Those who think I am Mr Happy

Those who think I am Mr Happy. Dear friend there is no such person in this globe who is always happy. I too get hurt and most often I get hurt by myself. Not because I find others so perfect than me but because I am not as perfect as them. And today I realized that being an average in everything is really bad as not being perfect in anything. I WISH I was perfect in any of my field….!

I know this is not what I mean to say. Confusing; I am hurt today and in this way I was never hurt before. No one hurt me like this but today a GRAY-UFFING-DAY. I am hurt because I could not be the one that could meet her expectation. I don’t know if it was because of my incapability or something else never programmed.

Couple of days before Bibek, my classmate had asked me to perform a dance with one of his friend named Ashma for East Point Fest Samskruthi 2014. I knew only one Ashma in East Point who I prefer to call as Ashwarya; a dream girl of East Point. To be true I had not even imagined that I would ever talk with her or even get close to it. And it happened so unexpected that she was the same Ashma whom I doubted to be though it took me long to believe on myself.

When Bibek mentioned about dance I thought it was a group dance and I could help him as I too like dancing and such an opportunity is very sporadic. I knew well that I am not cool looking guy. But I thought they will manage as I can dance little well. I thought in group dance I could cope somehow and will remain unseen in group if it comes for a tough step. 

"Ok dude. Dost key liye kuch bhi karengey" I replied nonchalantly.

At noon today, during our lunch break, I was attending a core committee meeting. I was unable to receive any call. And to my big surprise I found TWELVE MISSED CALLS from a new number  and a message with just a couple of words 'Ashma here'. 

I didn't waste my time to call back her.

"Meet me in front of the main block." She said and cut the phone.

I didn't have any idea what I was going through that time. I had not spoken a single word. She was waiting for me so long. I rushed down to the gate with bigger excitement which could be clearly seen on my face.

I saw her and I remained dumb. Papa ji ki kasam She is so beautiful. Aichh!! I was going to dance in her group. But-WHY IS SHE WAITING ALONE? 

“Hi Ashma!” I managed to call her.

“Hi. Who are you?” She asked. Now you don't want to believe but that was the worst part of it. I almost had got the struck. I could not utter a single word. I felt like I was jammed somewhere. You know as if inner walls of my throats were glued to each-other with a fevicol that comes in favicol ad in Indian channels. 

“I am Sagar.” I fared with a semi-composed word.

“Are you Sagar?” She asked as if I was called with any other name before. I doubt. AM I SAGAR? For a while I got confused with myself.  Oh! Yeah, I am Sagar. 

“Are you Bibek’s friend?” She asked.

“Umm!!” I nodded gently.

“No actually I thought you were someone else.” She replied. I could see a kind of sudden disappointment in her face.

“What??” I was surprised-hurt-broken. Uff!!! I was not happy for sure.

“I mean, I thought it as another friend of Bibek.” She continued.

“Do you know him?” I asked.

“Yeah. But I have never talked with him.”

“Ok, Wait, you might be talking about another Sagar.” I asked as by then I wanted to be out of such a lifeless situation as soon as possible.

“Can you dance?” She asked.

“I am not a good Dancer. But I am not that bad as well.” I replied. I wanted to look composed and clean.

“Can you carry me?” She asked.

“What?? Oh I am ….” I could not respond for a while. Seriously, for a while I heard if I could marry her. Her expression-est face and dumb-est questions lately made me realize how serious she was with her dance. Yeah, it was for Duet Dance. And I was supposed to dance with her as her PARTNER. My god!!! That was too far than where my thought could reach. I had never ever performed a duet dance before and she was asking me to partner her in contemporary-sontemporary dance where I was supposed to carry her, move her, lift her… GOD!!

And it was final. I made a mental decision. I won’t dance with her.

“Actually I won’t mind dancing with you. But…” She said and I understood what she was trying to convey me.

You know sometimes before worst could happen we figure out the situation but manage to say ‘hi’ though we want to say ‘goodbye’. I believed she might be going through similar situation. 

“Sorry, but I think I am not a suitable partner for you. I will be busy in core committee meeting so I may not give good time as well. Why don’t you find another partner who is perfect in such kind of dancing?” I said. But I didn't express my inability to her (who idiot would?). Yes, I was not a good partner for her. I am thin, not strong (though I believe she was not too heavy to lift :P ) , I am not a perfect dancer. We din’t have much time for rehearsal. And the worst thing is I am never used to dance a duet with such beautiful girls.

Shit!! God!!! I missed an opportunity. Please!! Not again. I don’t know how she was feeling. I might have disappointed her or may be she was happy as she got rid of Mr. Wrong. But I wanted not to spoil the taste of soup.  She deserves the best. Then I recommended Suhas as her partner and yeah with my broken heart.